Question: Dear Luise: My adult daughter and her boyfriend have moved in with my husband and I (my husband is step-dad). Shortly after moving in, the boyfriend was fired from his job and has not been looking very hard for a new one. This has driven my husband over the edge and now he and I are at constant odds to the point were he is moving out if the boyfriend does not leave (my daughter is welcomed to stay). I am afraid of putting my foot down with my daughter and what it will do to our relationship. My daughter will accuse me of taking her step-father’s side over hers and well, you get the picture. How can I toss out the boyfriend and preserve the relationship I have with my daughter? L.
Answer: Dear L.: Why is your adult daughter being allowed to stay? Your former parent/child relationship is obsolete. She is an adult. Your job is done and she is in charge of her life. Don’t give her the power to threaten your marriage. That’s ridiculous. Your husband is half right…the other half is that she needs to leave, too.
She has the right, as an adult, to pick the guy she wants…but bringing him home is off limits if you want to see her mature into a responsible person. Tell them both that you know it is unfair to everyone to let them live with you like dependent children. Ask them both to leave and then a step as far back as you can from being involved in their lives so they can make their own mistakes and learn their own lessons.
This mistake was yours. If you feel you need some support, please come over to my Web-forum at www.WiseWomenUnite;com . It was designed for women who are working through issues involving adult children and expended families. Blessings, Luise