Question: I have a daughter who started lying to me when she was about twelve. I am divorced and have been since she was four and she is now 27. Through the years I have provided her cell phone only to have that result in a disagreement over minutes and text messaging that resulted in a higher phone bill than agreed on. I bought the phone for her safety dispite the fact she had by now moved to her dads. she lived out in the county and was driving rural roads late at night returing to work. I sent her $600 said take over the phone so we don’t continue to argue. She then went off to college, I paid tuition and various hotels when she would attempt to drive in winter conditions and then realized it was not safe. She returned from college and asked if she could live in a my one bedroom second house I have that I was using for my office. She was now engaged. I did not charge her any rent so they could pay for their wedding. Dispite that she still had a $35,000 wedding! I paid for her wedding dress which was almost $5000. That was May, 2009. In August she announced she was pregnant and they would be moving out to a two bedroom apartment. My house was trashed. It took a month to clean it up to make it livable. I told her I did not appreciate how she took care of my house. That was it, I did not hear from her during her entire pregency and did not see my new granddaughter until two weeks after she was born. My grandauther was born 1/22/2010. In May 2010 her husband gratuated from law school and due to the economy could not get a job so they asked if they could stay with me for a couple of months. They stayed from 8/2010 to just buying a home 10/14/2011. I have now only heard from her once since she left. I will not get her husband involved as he has no backbone. I have resolved that I probably will not hear from her and I will not have my granddaughter in my life. This is absolutely the most painful, hurtful situation I have ever faced.Any advise as to how to cope and accept this. D.
Answer: Dear D.: You can’t change your daughter, as you know. She is making choices that have created havoc in your relationship. Being a user works for her at this time. She may grow past it or she may decline the opportunity to mature into an adult.
My take is that you need a supportive community of women who have faced or are currently facing the same thing or something similar. Please come over to my Web-forum at www.Wise WomenUnite.com where daily sharing and caring has brought about healing for many members. You deserve so much better. Blessings, Luise