Question: Dear Luise: I have been married for 4 years now and my problem is my MIL. My husband does not feel that his mother is interefering too much in our lives. She has abused me & my parents right infront of my husband, said something to my husband for which he threatened me earlier and didnt let me meet my parents for last 3.5 yrs and now she said – she never said anything to him and that i am lying now. Her words kept me away from my parents for 3.5 yrs and now she is denying them. She would one day say something and next day contradict herself only. My husband still blames me and criticizes me. Recently she told me that she will lock me in a room and beat me to hell and that on her one word, my husband can leave me. I couldnt stand being away from my parents and went to see them , till then my husband was fine but then things turned and he didnt tell me and planned to see his parents behind my back , didnt come to receiuve me at airport too.. his mom called all of my relatives and abused her , we tried calling him so he could hear his mom’s abusive words but he wont pick up and as soon as she finished, he picked up ad started shouting at me. He still thinks his mom can never utter a bad word and they all say they pitied on me before marriage. I dont know what pity was done becaudse i am from very good and nice earning family, our status was above them . Love marriage we did .. i have started feeling that i made a mistake by loving this guy.He is still at his parents and they are having fun . he hasnt called me in last 2 weeks and i dont know when he will return. Please advice. N.
Answer: Dear N.: It is next to impossible to build an adult relationship with that kind of interference. To me it looks like a pretty dismal setup. The only way I know of for it to change is if your husband puts his loyalty where it belongs. You can’t change him and his family is obviously discouraging him from growing up. Some never do, you know.
Remember, too, that you won’t become an independent adult, either, if you stay with your family. The only chance I see for the two of you is if you both care enough about each other to establish a separate family unit of your own. Blessings, Luise