Question: Dear Luise: I only got told today that my boyfriend’s mother seems to have a bit of an issue with me; I am 20 and in my third year of my college course and my boyfriend is 23 and her youngest child and repeating college after a bad first time.
We have been friends for over a year but only have gone out dating wise for about five months; at first she was only nice because my mum works in the same work place and is well known for her work field and she seemed okay with me. His dad has no issue with me and tends to act like I’m part of the family and only talks to me when he’s making silly jokes about my boyfriend (in relation to clothes and small matters).
His mum has accepted we are having sex(we do use protection) but refuses for me to sleep in the same bed as him; but this is not the main issue…its an issue but not the main one.
The main issue was quite recently I got told my grandmother is dying and I have been quite sad and depressed about it and having difficulty trying not to cry; my boyfriend being quite worried offered that I could stay at his a few hours on the days I usually don’t come over ( I go to his house Sunday, Tuesday and Thursday till 9pm after college) I was unsure as I know his mother does not expect me on the other days so I asked him to ask her in which apparently she seemed a bit annoyed at.
He explained to her the situation in which she apparently told him he shouldn’t be involved with my ‘drama’ as it would affect his grades. Ever since we have gone out he has studied harder than when we weren’t together pulling 80-90 percent every time.
I don’t know what I did to upset her, I am quiet according to his dad and very polite always offering to help(which she refuses) and I’m always making my boyfriend happy and cheerful so I don’t know what I have done wrong and why she doesn’t like me. Should I do something differently or should I just presume I’m to be hated by this woman forever? R.
Answer: Dear R.: I think you would benefit from coming over to my Web-forum for women with issues concerning adult children and extended families. I doubt that one answer from one person is going to give you enough feedback. www.WiseWomenUnite.com is for all women of all ages. You will recieve understanding and support there and be able to dialogue with other members as well as with me. Sometimes we need to give up trying to make sense of the senseless as well as taking the blame for it. We can’t change others. That’s my immediate input. Please join us. A lot of healing takes place on WWU. Blessings, Luise