He’s So Cold Toward Me

Question: Dear Luise: Please help me, i am so down and depressed that i can’t think straight anymore.  I have been with my partner for 7 years, i thought that he was a loving kind man when i met him.  He has helped me to raise my 8 year old daughter.  We haven’t had sex for 7 years……at first he said that he had a low sex drive.  I have begged , threatened, pleaded with him.  I have tried talking about it, tried not talking about it……..i’ve asked him if he wants to go to counselling.  I’ve explained to him how hurt and rejected i feel about the situation….. nothing has changed.  I’m actually beginning to hate him.  I feel so small and rejected and i’m tormented with the idea that he sleeps with other women…..i think he goes tosee prostitutes.  I do not know what to do about this situation……my confidence is at rock-bottom….i feel so insecure and worthless.  I am 38 years old and this situation has affected me deeply.  I feel ugly and worthless. I want him to leave but i’m worried about how myself and my daughter (especially my daughter) will cope.  My daughter adores him, but i am beginning to despise him…..and myself for putting up with this situation for so long.  I’m ashamed to say that i have been in abusive relationships before where i was beaten, i think that i’ve just felt a lot of gratitude to this man because he doesn’t hit me…..how pathetic is that and how pathetic am i? I really want a baby aswell. I can’t talk to my friends about this because i am too humiliated.  Please please please offer me some advice……..i do not know what to do, i’m so depressed that i can not even think straight anymore.  He is cold and i don’t know what to do. R.

Answer: Dear R.: You know what to do. You just aren’t quite ready to face the consequences. It’s about him, not you but you translate it into the “truth.” You feel you are worthless, etc.

He is abusing you. He just hits you in a different way. You deserve so much better and your daughter needs to see you whole again and at peace. Blessings, Luise

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