Question: dear luise: i been married 2 monthes and liveing with my husbend 6 monthes ever since we dates he has been a total jerk then when we got married he changed and now is going back to his old ways again i don’t know what to do i pay 1/2 the light bill i buy all the food i buy all the nesesities for the house all he does is pay the rent i dont know what he does with his money im not allowed to ask no ?s and if i do he won’t answer me i try to talk to him all the time to have some communication and he doesnt ever say nothing but AGAIN the same thing all the time. there is no affection no communication never a nice word and if there is it comes from me cause i give him all my attention and love and i feel he is just rejecting it. now it is coming to the point that he will come home when he wants he leaves when he wants and does what he wants i tell him if he doesnt want to be with me to tell me and he won’t respond to anything i ask or say.he tells me he doesnt care about nothing but he so jelouse i dont under stand please help me to understand. V.
Answer: Dear V.: I don’t understand, either. If your guy tried to change and did for a while, it looks like he just can’t keep it up. That’s all I can come up with.
Sometimes that happens. All of us have experienced trying to be what someone else wants us to be. Maybe it’s what we really want to be, too, deep down…but habits and attitudes stop us and we revert to our former behavior. The truth is, we’re who we are and we just can’t keep up the pretense that we have become someone else.
It sounds like your husband wants you in his life but it’s getting pretty clear, isn’t it, that he isn’t going to be able to give you the communication you need, the financial support you deserve, or the adult conduct and companionship you expected? Total jerk seems to be more his natural state.
Some women like jealousy. They feel they are special when they see it in a mate.
There are guys who offer next to nothing and still don’t want to lose a wife because she is more of a possession than a friend. Jealousy is about all they have to give. The problem is, you don’t sound like that’s enough for you.
The choice is yours. He’s got everything the way he wants it, so he’s probably not going anywhere. You don’t get to ask any questions or offer any comments. There is absolutely no mutual respect in what’s going on at your house. If that works for you, fine. If it doesn’t, it may be time to cut your losses, leave and set your sights higher next time. Blessings, Luise