Question: Dear Luise: How can I help my fiancee heal his health problem? Thanks, Kay
Answer: Dear Kay: Boy, I’m on information overload, here! (Just kidding.) It’s a good question, even without the details. There is a very fine line between helping and taking over. Best to learn as much as you can now, and chart a course that will support both of you. First of all, communicate with your fiancee about every aspect of whatever is wrong and how he expects it to unfold. Ask him how he sees you interacting with him and what he would like in the way of help. Does he want you in on conferences with his doctor? Does he want you to learn to do any treatments or help with them? How will his health issues affect your coming marriage, or is his illness something that will be resolved before that happens?
Read up on the problem and, again, communicate with him about what you have read and how much of it pertains to his case. Look into your heart and see if you can discern what you will be able to give of yourself and find out how long you will be expected to sustain it at that level. Are there support groups for the illness he has? If so, look into that. Above all else, please don’t let yourself take on the role of the martyr. It gets old and resentment can take over, big time. In a case like this, the more you know, the better off both of you will be. Blessings, Luise