Question: Dear Luise: I am struggling daily with this problem and it is causing my life to be miserable. I cry all the time and I am so unhappy and sad. I have 3 children…my oldest is my daughter who I am close to, but she lives 700 miles away from me, I also have twin married son’s. I have worked so hard to be a good mother in-law, because mine hated me. My daughter in-laws will come to me and complain about what they don’t like about my son’s…I don’t interfer, I just listen. But if I do say that something, both girls throw me under the bus to my son’s and then my son’s only want to listen to thier side. My one son forgot mothers day….I don’t like receving gifts, however, to not be recognized broke my heart. When his dad confronted him, he became defensive and blamed me. Saying “so mom is mad she didn’t get a gift”. It wasn’t that at all and I am struggling with him understanding. I asked to talk to him about it and he refuses. I try so hard to do special things for all my family and I alwasy get left out. They continually make me look like I am a horrible person. My husband says “to let it be” it is just they way our son is. But I am frustrated that he won’t talk to me so I can explain why I am hurt. What do I do? I just want to go somewhere and scream, J.
Answer: Dear J. Come on over to www.Wise WomenUnite.com and scream. It a Web-forum I created to give women a place to address their issues with adult children and extended families.. and to offer each other mutual support.
You can’t change anyone…and when someone speaks to someone for you, it usually becomes more complex. There is often nothing to figure out because there is no logic behind what is going on.
Focus on yourself and what brings you joy…beyond parenting. That part is done and you did a good job. You were a whole person before you became a parent and you can be whole again. You deserve so much better. Blessings, Luise