Question: Dear Luise: I was married an year back with the man i had an 8 year long relationship. I was not really happy with him at that time too, but i had a feeling that he loves me. But at that time too he made me cry and scold me all the time for small things, i was and still not allowed to meet my friends, as he “did’nt like them”. In short, i dont know why i closed my eyes suffering everything just beleiving he loved me. Now, when we are married, things are same, but he added one thing to his love- he has slaped me 4 times since then… he still says he loves me from within (only when i ask him so), but i feel he wants to rule over me all the time…he never listens to my voice, as a husband does, shouts on me in public, never lets me speak in front of his friends, makes me do whatever ‘he’ likes with me and for me…i feel like a puppet in the hands of my husband and his parents..they even changed my name after marriage without my acceptance..i even told him several times that i’ll leave him but he says he’s fine with it. Lately, before my marriage, i met a man who loved me inspite of me being committed to someone…and i am sure he loves me even more now. I feel really happy with him, he does whatever i like (for me), i can’t define that happiness. Now i don’t know what to do. I am ready to save my marriage if my husband changes for the good, if not, will it be worth ruining everything for that man..he’s a really true guy and i love him too. B.
Answer: Dear B.: You have learned a very hard lesson and that is to never place your trust completely in what others say…watch what they do, as well. To marry an abusive man because he says he loves you…is totally unrealistic: as you have found out. Anyone can say, “I love you,” so what?
I would move on. I would never give a person the chance to slap me a second time. No matter what promises and declarations your husband makes, they are empty. You know that better than anyone. You deserve a lot better. Blessings, Luise