Question: Dear Luise: I’m currently living with my in laws and have been for several years. The years prior when I spent my days at work and my evenings home with my husband and his family were lovely. Since I’ve given birth to my first child now 6months old I’m finding living with my wonderful in laws very difficult. Our common area is shared, they are retired and I’m on maternity leave. We are spending every waking moment together and they want to be around their first grandchild all day long. They are full of comments and advice on how to raise my child. I feel very confident in my abilities to rasie a healthy happy child, I find their comments to be very overbearing!! im also sad because I find my family, my husband, child and myself have no time together as a family its all of us together all the time! I truly do love my in laws, they have done so much for us. But… I find our relationship changing now. I don’t want to be around them, Im snippy at their never ending comments, or them showing me my childs newest milestone. I feel trapped and want to move out, but dont have the funds to buy at this time and my husband refuses to rent!! I dont know what to do, but im tired of feeling down all the time. having a child is supposed to be a happy time… any advice would help. M.
Answer: Dear M.: Your husband is away all day and probably has no clear picture about what you are describing. I don’t know what you expected when you had your child in such an environment. It was totally predictable. It is their child, too, a community project. Of course that doesn’t feel good. Who would want to have to put up with what you endure on a daily basis.
It is obviously affecting you adversely and it will soon erode your marriage if you don’t take action. You have started a new family unit…you need your own place where you make your own rules.
Your husband needs to be shown that he is the key to this. Too bad that he doesn’t want to rent. So what? Is his ego more important than your sanity? You didn’t get pregnant all by yourself. I’m serious. If he won’t listen, get your selves to a counselor, and if he won’t do that, move out without him. You are a wife and mother not someone who has presented his parents with a new toy. Blessings, Luise