Question: Dear Luise: I have been with my fiancé nearly 4 years! I’m am in my early 20’s and he is in his mid 20’s. Everything was brilliant at the start but things just went down hill ever since we moved in together 2 years ago! Now we are lucky if we have sex once every 6 weeks. Do times it can be months at a time! Iv tired everything over the past 2 year but it’s just got gradually worst, going down to once a week then once a fortnight and so on! Iv tried everything, dressing up in seductive clothing a few months ago and I was told to “just take them off and get into bed as he was tired” holidays we don’t have sex, posh hotels still no sex, every time I try it on I just got rejected! Do as I have stopped trying it on thinking maybe he would try it.. Now it never happens! When it does it’s liturally 2 mins and no love at all in it! Leave me feeling completely used. He has no affection anymore -no kisses or cuddles or anything! It’s like a chore if I ask for a cuddle he will say “no am not in the mood, I don’t wanna cuddle you.” I’ve tired to talk about it many times but it just causes massive arguments and he just walks away! Iv just learned to deal with it because I love him but it really upsets me and makes me now feel unhappy, low, insecure, used and lonely, we are getting married in months and I’m wondering if anything will change, what can I do? What’s your advice please?? Thanks 🙁 J.
Answer: Dear J.: You can love someone dearly that you can’t live with.
If it were going to work for the two of you, you would be happy and looking forward to your wedding. You’re not. And planning on any change in the future is a dangerous game where you are guaranteed to be the loser. Get out while you can.
You have nothing to base a marriage on and trying to live his way is causing you stress. You are being neglected and hurt. It really doesn’t matter what the reason is. He’s not interested in addressing it. That’s not loving behavior…it’s selfish and abusive. Why would you want to take it any further? Sometimes it is a physical problem. Or it can be emotional, as well. In recent years, porn has replaced love making for many young men. It’ easier, requires no responsibility and offers an endless flow of new virtual partners out there in fantasyland to keep it interesting.
Pick up what’s left of your self-respect and move on. You deserve so much better and your whole life is ahead of you. Don’t sell out. Blessings, Luise