He Lied to me About Smoking Pot

Question: Dear Luise: My boyfriend and I have been together for 2 years. He promised me that he would never smoke marihuana again. He lied to me. He is still smoking it. I’m so upset. I don’t now what to do. Should I break up with him and how should I do that? Thanks. B.

Answer: Dear B. We all seem to have a different tolerance level when it comes to lying. Believe it or not, many people think it’s just part of what makes the world go ’round and expect it in a relationship.

To make things even more complicated, there isn’t a perfect person out there who never makes a mistake or “gives misinformation”…(and nice way to describe lying.) Since no one is perfect, our search for someone who is, is doomed before we start.

Trust is what is under this issue. If you get a promise and it is broken, where do you draw the line regarding trusting that person again? Remember, none of us are totally trustworthy either.

I have an addiction to sugar and wheat. I have sincerely promised to stop eating them. I meant it at the time but I have always failed to keep my word, eventually. I don’t make any promises to those near and dear anymore but I still make them to myself sometimes. Still, I am doing my best and feel I am making progress.

Pot is a big issue. It’s harmful no matter how much the people addicted to it say it isn’t…and it’s costly, (not to mention illegal.) I have read on the web about what it does to ambition and the brain, just to name two of the problems connected with it. I suppose you have read the same things.

I all boils down to how much you can put up with and still respect the guy. Love without respect is a pretty poor excuse to be together for most of us. If you can get that he is addicted and can’t keep his promises no matter how much he wants to, then your next step is to see if you can accept him as he is. If you can’t, then it’s time to move on.

If you come to that decision, tell him the truth. It may be that you love him but not what he does and you do not feel being with him is mutually supportive. (Use your own words, of course.) Your needs come first. Always remember that. The world is full of martyrs and I haven’t met a happy one yet. Blessings, Luise

5 Responses to He Lied to me About Smoking Pot

  1. R. November 13, 2008 at 6:26 pm #

    Dear Luise: My neighbor is mad at me for not letting her take my daughter with her and her kids to a party where she and other adults were going to be smoking pot and getting drunk. I find it appalling that she is so upset with me over this. I knew we would never be friends the day she told me of her like of smoking pot shortly after she and her husband moved in. But when her daughter comes to play with my daughter, I would like to maintain some sort of common ground. How do I get an irrational person to understand that smoking pot and partying like a 20 year old is not a place for kids nor is it responsible as an adult and parent? Or do I just let it go? We never had a friendship anyway and I really don’t care if she dislikes me or not but I would still like our girls to keep their friendship. R.

  2. Luise November 13, 2008 at 6:51 pm #

    Dear R. There is no way you are going to rearrange your neighbor’s ethics, (or lack thereof.) She probably thinks you’re a real loser! And if you support a friendship between your daughter and hers, then be prepared to see your daughter get a liberal education next door. The other child is being raised with very different values. I would level with your daughter and explain in simple terms that you don’t believe in the same things. If their friendship continues, let your daughter know that you want to help her understand what the other child is being taught and why you disagree. Blessings. Luise

  3. R. November 14, 2008 at 8:08 pm #

    Dear Luise: Thank you for responding and bringing up the fact that keeping the friendship between the girls could potentially be a bad influence on my daughter. That is something I had not thought of given the girls are only 9. I only wish I knew what kind of “ethics” her father was raising her (the neighbor girl) with, since her parents are divorced and he holds majority custody. I wish it was possible to talk to him without some sort of backlash. But I know that calling him would cause a huge stink and I still have to live next door to my neighbor. I will just keep praying that this situation works itself out. Thank you again. It was really nice to vent my frustrations about this issue to someone who is far removed from it. R.

  4. R. November 14, 2008 at 8:15 pm #

    I did sit my daughter down after the incident and explained to her why she was not allowed to go. And it also explained why we have always told her we wanted her and the neighbor girl to play at our house and not next door. I sucks that I had to give my 9 year old daughter the “Say NO to Drugs” so young because of all people,a neighbor. But that’s life. God leads us into situations and he will lead us out. All we need is faith. R.

  5. Luise November 14, 2008 at 9:07 pm #

    You’re welcome and good for you! Blessings, Luise

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