Question: Dear Luise: I’m 19 years old and my boyfriend is 29. we’ve been dating for 9 months now. he loves me to death and I love him. we have met each other’s parents. I was a virgin and when we got together, I waited three months until we did have sex and afterwards I felt like it wasn’t right because I went against my values and religion. although I would talk to him and tell him about it but he would say if were not having sex then can I at least get some pseudo-sex? There’s no difference. why does it seem like if he doesn’t get sex from me then it won’t work? we continued to have sex because I was still living at his place but I decided to move back with my mom. I’m trying to be a born again Christian and stay celibate until marriage but he doesn’t even believe in religion. he always says sex is not everything, but in his past relationships he didn’t date this girl because she were celibate. he might agree to not have sex with me probably for six months but afterwards he will ask or tell me it’s a problem. and he told me we can’t get married until I finish school which is in three more years. I’m frustrated because I love him and I don’t want our relationship to end over sex conflicts. I don’t know what to do. Please Help! K.
Answer: Dear K.: Sex is normal at his age and common at yours. The problem is your philosophical/religious differences say it’s OK for him but not OK for you. You should be allowed to follow whatever path you choose without pressure. And so should he. Living together in a celibate state was unwise and doomed from the start.
Many who are serious about postponing what their hormones are demanding bite the dust because “Nature” has other plans. If you can make it, good for you but it is time to find a guy who agrees with you. Even then…watch out. Not for him, especially, but for being human. Blessings, Luise