Question: Dear Luise: I have 3 sons & I am blessed in that I like the girls they are with. My youngest has been with his girlfriend for years, he still lives at home & she lives with her parents. I think they will get married as soon as they finish university. My middle son recently married a girl I don’t know very well but what I know of her I like, they are both still studying whilst only working part time and we are supporting them to do this. They live in a flat at the back of our property. This dil living with us & says she loves our “homey” family orientated life. My eldest son & his fiancé share a home with friends. They are getting married soon & his fiancé would love to move in with us. They are suggesting we all buy a bigger place together. She sees me as a mother & I love her very much too. The middle & eldest sons partners come from very sad homes & they appreciate the love we have for them & our sons. I wouldn’t say we always get along, but we do have a good relationship. So what is my problem? My middle son & I are a lot alike & have always been good friends. He is studying to following in my career footsteps & we have always has a very open & easy relationship. He loves to talk & debate & because the other boys are more introverted, like their dad, we have a different relationship. I have an open relationship with my other sons too, but we don’t have as much in common, if you understand? My problem is that since his wedding we haven’t had a moment of time alone for a good chat. It’s not a problem because he is very busy & recently married, but I feel so sad & I miss him horribly. My hubby & I are good friends, but I miss having someone with whom to discuss case studies & psych dilemmas. I don’t want to be demanding as I don’t want him to feel guilty, but I am so sad about this. Will we ever be friends again or have I lost my son forever? S.
Answer: I know it feels like you have lost your son forever… but he has just distanced him self and moved on. That’s probably healthy from his standpoint. He may come back as a good friend and fellow professional or he may not. The ball is in his court. All you can do is wait it out and get that things are as they should be. Little comfort, I know. I went through the same thing and one son came back as a peer while the other chose not to. It’s their call. We raise them and then we have to let go, step back and let the chips fall where they may. Blessings, Luise