Question: Dear Luise: I am not particularly impressed with the quality of the intimacy I’m experiencing in my relationship. How do I deal with this? What I mean is, is that par for the course? I really have no way to measure what a happy sex life should be. What’s your take on it? Leslie
Answer: Dear Leslie: I read a book about this once where hundreds of couples were questioned. The answers were as diverse as the couples. One couple even said that they found the best sex life was to just talk sexy and leave it at that. Years ago, I had a neighbor who would actually light up when she talked about her sex life. She looked like she’d found the Holy Grail. I’m serious. Others may have said some of the same things she did at our weekly coffee fests, but no one else ever looked like that.
I guess what I am saying is that if you personally feel let down with the quality of your sexual interactions then it sure doesn’t sound like a happy situation to me. Someone else might be thrilled with it. I had a relative who thought her sex life was great and she went to sleep right in the middle of it. Go figure. If your partner is interested, talk it over with him. Does he share your concern? Does he want to see what can be done? Most of us don’t learn any of this the easy way. And many of us feel like the other person is the one who should be making it earth-shattering. Why do you suppose we do that? If the rest of your relationship is something you value, be creative and don’t settle. What can be done to spice things up? Blessings, Luise