Question: Dear Luise: MY MOTHER DIED IN SEPTEMBER 5TH 2012, THIS MONTH, SHE WAS 68 AGED YEARS , SHE HAD BLEEDING ULCER , SHE VOMMITTED A LOT OF BLOOD , MY ONLY REGRET IS THAT I WAS NOT THERE AT HER SIDE WHEN SHE DIED IT HURTS ME I FEEL UPSET I DO NOT KNOW WHAT TO THINK WHAT TO FEEL AM I WRONG OR RIGHT PLEASE ADVICE NOBODY IN THIS WORLD UNDERSTANDS SINCE IT IS MY IS MY MOTHER WHO DIED I FEEL LOUSY. R.
Answer: Dear R.: You lost your mom last month. Most of us, certainly it was true for me, immmediately get stuck in guilt when our loved one passes. Even those who sit at the bedside are often not there at the moment of departure. We all have lives to live and we seldom know when they are going to leave. What I had to do when my mind started playing a litany over and over again about where, when and how I had failed my mother, was to get in touch with how much she loved me and how forgiving she was. Your mom wants peace for you. Her love for you is still with you…in your heart. She never asked for a perfect daughter and knew she couldn’t be the perfect mom. Never, for a moment would she want you to compound your grief and loss with guilt. Blessings, Luise