How Can I Get Past My Son’s Anger?

Question: Dear Luise: I left my husband for another man about 6 years ago when my son was 18.  He remained with his father.  I had been unhappy in my marriage for a long time but I never wanted to burden my son with my unhappiness and I really was a good mother to him.  He has recently moved back to my town but completely refuses to have anything to do with me.  He is now 24.  I love him so much and want to help him if I can.  I know he feels betrayed and I don’t know how to fix this. He has forgotten all the positives about his life with me. J.

Answer: Dear J.: Your son was the age that people often are when they leave home when he went to live with his father. How he interprets you actions is his own process and as far as I know, you can’t do much about it.

I’m sure he remembers the good times; that may be part of the problem because he blames you for ending them. Kids (which is the way most of us perceive young adults) can be pretty unforgiving. We, as parents, are supposed to be perfect. He knows you love him and want to have a relationship with him. It seems to me that the ball is in his court and you have to accept that.

Please consider coming over to my forum: where you will find other points of view and support. It was started a year ago because estrangement between mothers and adult sons is so common and devastating. A lot of healing has taken place there. Blessings, Luise

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