Question: Dear Luise: I have been with my girlfriend for over a year. I love her to death, shes my everything, shes my life, and my best friend. I cant imagine life without her. However, i made one mistake. That mistake was that I lied to her about smoking pot. I smoked it over 2 years ago, and i didn’t know her back then. I only did it once, and thats it. But, alie is a lie. I made a mistake, and she is upset. she has also become more insecure because she thinks that everything that i have ever told her was a lie as well (including “i love you”). This hurts me a lot because the reason i didnt tell her was that i was embarrassed and ashamed. I should’ve told her from day 1 and i know things would be normal, but the fact that i told her this late in the relationship has made her very upset. She even told me that if i was going to hide it, i should’ve hid it forever. But, i want to clear everything before I propose to her (yes she is perfect). For once, i am lost. I don’t know what to do. I don’t want to lose her. help me. B.
Answer: Dear B.: It would be wonderful if you were perfect and never made a mistake but you’re not because no one is. We are all human and we all blow it from time to time. My take on your situation is that your girlfriend is over reacting. You were a kid and you were experimenting. That’s what kids do. You were afraid to own up to it. So what? She says she would rather have you continue in the lie? Look at that. She doesn’t like liars but she wants you to be a bigger one?
If you are going to spend a lifetime together, there is no way perfection can be factored in…on your part or hers. She needs to understand and forgive you. Then when she makes a mistake, you can remember how wonderful that was, and offer understanding and forgiveness to her. That’s how it works.
The way out of your situation, if you are both up for it, is to approach the whole thing in a more mature way. If you can’t, neither of you is ready for what a lifetime commitment is going to ask of you. Blessings, Luise