Finding The One

Question: Dear Luise: I am afraid of making a mistake in choosing a life-partner. Do you think there is ever a way to be totally confident that you have found “the one” and it will last for sure? Thanks. Glenna

Answer: Dear Glenna: I wish I had a nice, clear-cut answer for that. We all use guidelines and standards, yet it always works out that some of us make it and some of us don’t. Being totally confident sounds like looking for a guarantee to me…and unfortunately there simply aren’t any.

There is a great deal written these days that is well worth reading on the subject. Buy some books and read what different authorities have to say about choosing a mate. There’s lots of information out there that can be very useful stuff.

You can also spend some very valuable time growing up, knowing yourself and leaning what you want out of life. What are you willing to give? Self-knowledge often brings self-assurance. Also, be sure you are following your own ideals and rules and not those set for you by others.

A good way to really get to know a person you are interested in is to spend time with him in family settings, yours and his if possible, and with mutual friends. Isolated dating can be pretty sterile and idealistic. You need to get past the moonlight and roses to get to know each other. Getting acquainted after you’re married or have made a commitment can be risky business unless you have a lot of miles on you and have gained a lot of wisdom. For people who are older and have lost a mate, it sometimes works better that way but that’s not where you are coming form.

A great deal more than most of us realize can come from our gut reactions. Yes, I know we have been talking about matters of the heart, and thinking things through…but I honestly think our instincts often offer us the best guidance. Factor that in and keep an eye on it as your relationship progresses. Don’t ignore warning signals that surface. Be open and willing to not know, so you can learn.

All of this sounds quite serious, I know, so remember that dating is supposed to be fun, too! Blessings, Luise

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