Feeling Needy

Question: Dear Luise: I am dealing with my mother’s recent death and it seems to me like I am putting extra pressure on my life-partner. We are often separated but we stay in close contact by cell and email when I’m out of town. This latest absence, due to being the executor of my mother’s estate, is growing into the longest period of time that I have ever had to be away. I’ve tried to cut back on our contacts due the pressing matters at hand but I have this strange sense of need and dependency. We’ve talked about it and my partner isn’t bothered by it…but I just don’t feel comfortable. What can I do to restore balance and normalcy during this time? Thank you for being there. James

Answer: Dear James: What you are experiencing is par for the course and if you didn’t feel off-center, it would probably mean that you were not going through your loss honestly. A mom is a mom. When the time comes that each one of us has to part with our own mom, we have to physically sever a connection that we made almost a year before we were born.

Never mind that we grew up and moved away, or that she didn’t turn out to be perfect. Some even turned out to be pills. However, a mom is a mom.

Your partner understands that your needs have increased. That’s great. Lean away! Call more often and let yourself feel rocky as long as you do. Be assured that you are not slipping into a needy and dependent mode that will become permanent.

The fastest and smoothest way though the kind of loss you are facing is wading into it, slogging your way through it and eventually coming out the other side. Whatever it takes. Be patient and know that all is well, even when it feels like it isn’t. Ask for, accept and appreciate support. You’re really lucky to have it. Blessings, Luise

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