Family Jealousy

Question: Dear Luise: I am a junior in college and need some help with a very important issue. I feel like one of the hardest things I had to experience in college is family jealousy. I understand it’s a heavy thing to accuse someone of jealousy but I feel it from many people in my family, including my grandmother. I feel if there is something I am doing wrong it shouldn’t be that hard to talk to me about it. I believe and fully support communication in our relationship, but it isn’t happening and they all treat me like I’m a bad guy when I’m not. At least if I knew what was wrong I would do anything I could to fix it. I try being nicer to everyone and doing things to win them over but it doesn’t seem to work. At the end of the day I can only be me. I’m facing the reality of never having the same relationship with certain family members again and really need your help. How should I deal with this? I.

Answer: Dear I.: Good for you for caring as deeply as you do and of course it’s hard. We can open the door for communication but that’s about as far as we can go. We simply can’t change others if they refuse to step through that door. If members of your family are jealous, that’s about them, not you. The truth is you do have something to say about that and how much you let it effect you. I have had some family members that I am incredibly lucky but what I have learned through the years is that the harder I work, the “luckier” I get. That’s not their perception.

We often can’t make sense of the senseless and we can pay a huge price for trying and feeling we need to do something to fix it. My take is that you are a fine young man, doing well in your life. You deserve the respect of others but it it isn’t forthcoming, give it to yourself. Blessings, Luise

One Response to Family Jealousy

  1. L. March 25, 2013 at 6:48 pm #

    Jealously is horrible and does not make sense. My sister has been jealous of me my whole life and she has become vindictive now to the point she will make up false reports to police officers about me and have me arrested for harassment that she made up.

    I would make short visits to family and then leave. Be yourself. Do not feel guilty. This is their issue. Continue to share with them and don’t change for them. Be yourself. Shorten your visits and maybe visit one at a time spending quality time with each one and treat them special when they are with you alone. Good luck. Be who you are and nurture yourself. Don’t expect anyone else to nurture you. Need to be good to self. L.

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