Question: Dear Luise: My son has an eleven yea-old son that he gets weekend visitation with. Any time things seem to be going really good and his son and him are getting fairly close, his ex-wife seems to start something. This time the problem seems to be that his step-mom is mean. His step-mom has never spanked him. Yes she does make him go outside and play and she won’t let him play video games all day or watch TV until all hours of the night. So, I guess if that makes her mean then I guess she must be. Anyway, now his mom is letting him call his dad and tell him if the step-mom is going to be there than he doesn’t want to come over. Last time he sent him a certified letter stating he doesn’t want to come over because his step-mom is there and when she is there, he can’t go see his papa and grandma. Which, by the way, is not true. We know that our grandson’s mother is keeping the problems going. She has even gone as far as making my grandson call his step-dad “Dad” and call his dad by his given name. Please tell me something that could be done to get us through these hard times and that there is hope that someday my grandson will see things they way they really are. Thanks, C.
Answer: Dear C. The biological Mom is bringing havoc down on the whole the family but she probably isn’t breaking any laws. She is incredibly spiteful and she is doing something that makes my blood run cold, and that is using a child as a weapon against the people she’s come to hate. Is there anything lower than that?
Your grandson is too young to understand what the whole thing is all about and probably is enjoying being the center of attention, to some degree. What can anyone do except give the woman what she wants and when you do, she will probably increase her demands and accusations.
This is one of those Catch 22 situations that can come after a divorce that involves children. I think I would talk to an attorney about what rights your son has before throwing in the towel and giving up. That is ultimately what his biological mother wants. She wants full custody. There actually might be some peace in that solution for your grandson but you would have to be pretty exceptional to elect to do that without a fight. And I know it would break your son’s heart and yours as well. Some day, after your grandson is fully, grown, he could come back to you but there is no guarantee that he will ever see through it to the truth.
Just get that his mother doesn’t care. She just wants revenge and she doesn’t give a rip who it hurts…her son included. What a sad situation. Blessings, Luise