Question: Dear Luise: I have been married for four years to a man who is deeply entangled with his ex-wife. They have two children and she uses them to stay in constant phone contact and to create a wedge between us by poisoning them against me. He says there’s nothing he can do, and since there seems to be nothing I can do, does she win? Nelda
Answer: Dear Nelda: You and your husband may need a counselor to help you through these troubled waters. The children will need counseling, too, if these issues don’t get taken in hand…or that may already be the case.
Do some careful research and find someone experienced in these matters. You both know that the tie he has with his “ex” is always going to be there. They started something together that they haven’t finished.
When you are trying to work with someone for the children’s sake and that person is working against you without considering the harm she is doing to them, you can be backed into a tough corner. She knows where she has you and it sounds like she is ruthlessly exploiting the children to suit her own ends.
Legal action may be required. It is seriously abusive to treat children this way.
Your marriage is a battleground where innocent children are being sacrificed due to the hatred of a wife left behind. How did you figure into it? Were you instrumental in their break up. Did you help ignite some of this conflagration? Or are you just a handy target?
You may eventually elect to remove yourself from this situation, that’s another possible solution. Yes, that might be seen as the “ex” winning, but do you feel like a winner as things stand? It looks like everyone’s losing, to me. Blessings, Luise