Question: Dear Luise: Well, my ex husband wants me back. I am 31 years old and was married for 5.5 years to a 38 year old man and we have 2 girls, 5 and 7. After the divorce, I ended up pregnant again by my ex-husband. During the pregnancy he would be with me and then drop me again over and over. He would see other girls and made me cry a lot. I had a stillborn and blame it on him for the suffering he caused me as well on myself for allowing him to do it. Now after 2 years divorced and after having lost the baby, I decided to stop mourning for my ex and go on with my life. I began talking to other guys and enjoyed the attention I was receiving and how wonderful they were treating me. Then along comes my ex-husband wanting me back, sending me flowers weekly, crying, begging and began to go to church. I accompanied him to church with our girls and I could see his tears fall on the floor. He begged for forgiveness and called my parents from TX for their blessings. My heart wasn’t in it but then he mentioned how he wanted us to get married again and move in together. When I saw he had good intentions, I decided to give it a try. It’s been a month and he’s acting like the past again. Not completely but I am seeing things that I do not like. He’s not as humble and caring and makes me cry. As far as I know, I do not think he is cheating but for a man who longs to have his wife back, he’s not convincing me with his attitude. I love him but have a hard time trusting him. He wants me to forget the past and trust him but I tell him he broke that trust and it takes time and he has to earn it but he just wants me to have faith in him. It’s hard. Do I marry him again and save our family or is this a done deal? Isabella
Answer: Dear Isabella: Your guy is the same person. Separation, tears, and flowers can’t make him someone he isn’t. Loving him and wanting to live with him may be two different things.
If you think counseling would work you might want to ask him to give it a try but you said your “heart wasn’t in it” and that’s probably not going to change. Even if you can trust him…do you want him?
You have a long life ahead of you. If you want your future to be like your past, he’s the ticket. If you want to learn and grow and move on…then you are going to have to take a stand.
Either way will have its hardships and lessons. Blessings, Luise