Question: Dear Luise: I have been married to my ex for 7 years. Marriage was good for the first 2-3 years but he changed, a year and a half ago I found out he was talking to somebody on the Internet. He begged for forgiveness and I accepted him back. But his bad treatment towards me came back again and finally told me he wants divorce. It took me a while to grant him what he wanted because I wanted to save the marriage but he wasn’t willing to work on it until I got tired. I gave in and eventually got divorced. 2 weeks after the divorce, he said he was going on a vacation to a different place, I thought with friends but he said he was going to meet with another woman he met on the Internet. He just came back from his two weeks vacation and wants to return to us. I am so confused whether to give him another chance for the sake of our daughter. I am afraid I might end up being unhappy again. Please advise me. Thank you so much. C.
Answer: Dear C.: That’s how your ex-husband is. If you can live with that, then you might be able to build an on-again-off-again marriage. Some people do. The chance of his becoming a different person is less than slim…he is how he is.
If you can be with him and not feel stress and sadness, then have at it. For whatever reason he needs the excitement of the chase and the thrill of conquest. We all had it in high school and there are those who get frozen in time. Over and over they need to confirm that “they still have it” and don’t know that “it” is immaturity and shallowness. To be fair, they may also have other endearing qualities that make it worth putting up with all of that. I couldn’t do it…but you might be able to.
Some women make themselves doormats and then their guys find they don’t like doormats. It’s a Catch 22. Your husband forced you to end the marriage. It sounds to me like he has little or no regard for you. He’s put you through a lot.
Think long and hard. In the end, only you can make the choice to take the crumbs he tosses your way plus there’s a strong possibilit he won’t stay…even on his terms. I think you deserve a lot better but it isn’t up to me. Blessings, Luise