Question: Dear Luise: I am in love with a control freak. Is it possible to have a relationship with that kind of person? My friends and family keep warning me off, but I love the guy. Is it a sure thing that we don’t have a chance? Thanks for your time. Lynn
Answer: Dear Lynn: There must be other things you like about the man. Take a close look and see what they are? Do you work well together, play well together…what?
Is it possible that this guy’s need to control bothers other people more than it does you? What do you do when he tells you how it’s going to be and how you’re supposed to act, think and feel? This is all about you…not your friends and family.
You may be one of those rare birds that really don’t give a rip and let it run off you like water off a duck’s back? Is that possible? If that’s the case then you have a good chance of making it with him.
What you can’t do is think his behavior will go away. If you plan on lowering the boom on him “later”, don’t even go there. He isn’t going to change. Don’t try to fool yourself into thinking he will, and don’t listen to any promises from him that he’s the first leopard down the pike who has the ability to change his spots.
I would guess that there are many reasons that people become controlling. It may be a learned behavior from the family of origin, or it may be a deep insecurity or anxiety. I would also suppose that some types are more serious than others, but don’t quote me, I don’t know for sure. I’ll bet some people are just plain bossy with no underlying stuff going on at all. Isn’t that possible?
Have a long talk with yourself. Do you really want to live in that kind of environment? Why? You can love someone dearly that you can’t or would prefer not to live with. Is that the case?
If all of your investigation brings you right back to feeling that he’s the one…then maybe he is. Blessings, Luise