Question: Dear Luise: I have been seeing this girlfriend of mine for 3 yrs., on and off. She has broken up with me for other guys and has lied to me about numerous amounts of stuff. Well, for some reason I keep taking her back and I love her and care about her a lot but at the same time I don’t know if I want to be with her and when I do get to my point of wanting to end it I just cave in and keep going on with the relationship. I just don’t know what I should do and I’m really confused. S.
Answer: Dear S.: It’s going to boil down to what you want in life. If what you have is what you want, you’re home free. However, it doesn’t sound like that is true. A rule of thumb that I often use is that a relationship should be an improvement over being alone or what’s the point? Beyond that, how much better is up to you.
Waiting for someone to grow up and change for the better can be a thankless job. And sometimes they change for the worse or don’t change at all. You have a recalcitrant child for a girlfriend. Isn’t that the truth? She’s getting away with what she’s getting away with because you cave. What’s that all about? We can dearly love people we can’t and shouldn’t spend our lives with. She’s the familiar. Is that better than the unknown? If so, why? Habit?
Talk with this girlfriend of yours and let her know that you are coming to the end of your rope. Don’t ask her to change because she will promise you things she can’t deliver. Let her know that it’s not working for you and why. Then cut her lose.
You can remain an interested friend…just keep her at a distance along with her drama and immaturity. They are playing havoc with your life.
Move on to meet new people and take what you have learned with you. There are gals out there who are willing to contribute to keeping a relationship afloat. Start circulating and keep your eyes open. One of them is looking for you! Blessings, Luise