Question: Dear Luise: We are in love but not in lust. How important is it for a couple to have fireworks in their relationship? We have talked about this and both of us feel comfortable without any high sexual drama in our intimacy. A lingering concern remains, however, and we don’t know whom to ask about this. Will it develop later? Or we OK without it, long term? We’d sure like some advice. Lucy and Sam
Answer: Dear Lucy and Sam: This is a pretty subjective question. Maybe it would drive some couples nuts but I bet there are others who would never think to even ask. As far as the future goes, who knows?
We often get a slant on romance that isn’t very real or sustainable in our day-to-day living. Romance novels sell by the millions for a reason. In my view, the way they describe sexual expression seldom happens in real life so some people love to read about it. There’s a lot of fantasy there that most of us don’t have the energy or interest to duplicate. It’s also not very reliable as a standard.
There are different levels of sexual drive in different people, and even in one person, at different times. You have to look at this from your own natures and see if you are content…not by anyone else’s standard but by your own. It you feel loved, cherished, honored and sexually satisfied then that may be a lot more important to you then bells, whistles, sirens and explosions.
Your own value systems and priorities, your own natures, hopes and dreams are your business. Sort it out between the two of you and put it to rest. Had you not written that both of you feel comfortable I might approached this from another angle. That’s the major clue here. It’s working.
Be careful that you don’t let anyone else tell you that you’re not OK if you feel that you are. There are endless ways to say, “I love you”. You have not indicated that you don’t do that, sexually, you are just concerned that it’s not wild enough. Why not look at how many other ways you say it?
Create your own formula within the privacy of your home and trust yourselves. Blessings, Luise