Question: Dear Luise: Should we invite ourselves on the Carnival Cruise designed for elderly travel that our friends are taking? My husband and I exchange Christmas cards with an old boyfriend of mine and his wife. Ten years ago, we were in their part of the country for my 50th high school reunion and we had lunch. My problem is that he has stopped writing. I send a Christmas newsletter every year and we get a card with a signature. Twice in the last ten years he has called. The second call was last Friday when he told me he didn’t like to write any longer but they think of us often. I learned in that conversation that they will be in our neck of the woods this coming summer embarking on a Carnival cruise. I suggested dinner, but after we hung up I thought about joining them on the cruise. Is that too presumptuous? Sondra
Answer: Dear Sondra: If your old friend is well and able to write, isn’t there a message in his choosing not to? And if he told you about the cruise and didn’t suggest you and your husband join them, isn’t that another possible message? Yes, I know it’s very hard to read between the lines to try to figure out another person’s perspective but we can try.
Your friend has surely thought of exactly what you and your husband have thought of regarding the four of you cruising together. Isn’t the person that hasn’t been factored into this equation his wife? Your husband does not appear to feel threatened by this old love of yours being part of your life but that may not be how the other spouse feels. All four of you have to agree that it’s just fine and dandy.
You mentioned getting together for lunch a decade ago. I’ll bet that’s when the correspondence started to cool down…when you were no longer a name and became what…the attractive, vivacious, warm, interesting woman who got away? (Just guessing here.)
You need to let sleeping dogs lie. I don’t think it’s wise to invite yourself on that Carnival Cruise. How can they say no? What might it cost her, if they say yes? If only three out of the four of you have a great time, that’s not good enough. Blessings, Luise