I Can’t Cope with Death

Question: Dear Luise: My grandfather died and I miss him very much. What should I do? Also, I have a brother who died violently when I was 4 and I it happen. I still remember it and I miss him too. Can you keep this private please? B.

Dear B.: As you can see, we have kept things private.

I would suggest you talk with a counselor (or someone who is wise and a good listener) about losing your brother when you were so young and being left with the image of that for the rest of your life. Just keep getting together and talking about it and after a while you will see that it is helping you.

As far as your recent loss, there is no way I know of to get past the loss of a loved one except to go through it. By that I mean, day after day you will adjust and miss him less without loving him less. We eventually get used to having the person gone and we move on. Grief will always be there but time dulls the sharp edges of it.

The minute we are born, our impending death becomes a reality. The minute we love, loss is a necessary part of that. There are two sides to much of life and we have to visit both. It’s natural and normal but it can still feel cruel and hopeless…as well as seeming to last forever.

Focus on the other parts of your life. Distraction can be helpful. And know that your life is richer because you have loved and been loved. It’s what makes you sensitive to others, kind and warm. Your grandfather was probably a role model to you and you will, in turn, be a role model to others. Blessings, Luise

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