Question: My Mother-in-law and I do not get along. She ignores me, which is why I think she is jealous. I finished my MBA and she didn’t even acknowledge it. She wants to be a part of her granddaughter’s life, but when she spends time with her she does what she wants and not what is best for our daughter. She confuses her and has problems changing her diapers. Needless to say I don’t trust her alone with our daughter. My husband has even said that he finds issues with his mother, but doesn’t want to hurt her feelings. My MIL and I have had a discussion regarding our issues, but she lies and I can’t get past that. Is there anything that we can do to fix our relationship or do I just need to ignore her as she does to me? L.
Answer: Dear L. It is sometimes hard for a mother in law to get that doing what she wants isn’t OK, if she was raising children before her daughter in law was born. It may be hard to take orders from that young daughter in law. I’m not saying who is right and who is wrong or even if there is such a distinction. It’s just that it often is difficult for everyone concerned.
As far as jurisdiction is concerned, you are definitely in charge. However, confusing a baby isn’t all bad; life is going to be confusing and diapers have changed a lot so that may be confusing to your mother in law. There are lessons to be learned and adjustments to be made. Baring her from being alone with your daughter seems harsh.
Perhaps the best way to work on this is to imagine your self in her shoes and if it were at all possible, for her to remember being in yours. Of course your husband has some issues, no mother is perfect (no matter how hard we all try to be.)
Please consider coming over to my website that was designed for these problems: www.WiseWomenUnite.com We would welcome your input. Blessings, Luise