Question: Dear Luise: I’ve been going out with a really nice guy and we have gotten more than close. I’ve been thinking he may be the one…and I am pretty sure that he likes me a lot, too. Now, his former girlfriend has turned up pregnant and he is sure she wasn’t involved with anyone else at the time she conceived. I’m totally devastated because he feels he must “do the right thing and get married”, when until very recently he has felt that the right thing to do was to break up with her. Is there anything I can do to make him see that he’s making a huge mistake? Liz
Answer: Dear Liz: This must be very difficult for both of you. Even though, under the present circumstances, you couldn’t have been together very long… a new relationship was started that seemed to be pleasing to you both and now the doors are closing.
As hard as it is going to be to do this, you need to step aside and get that this is his decision. He got himself into this. It had nothing to do with you. How he handles it is totally up to him. Trying to influence him is just going to cause you more pain and make his life a worse nightmare.
I would suggest letting him know that you are aware that it isn’t about you. Tell him that you respect his right to do as he sees fit, and that you are going to go your own way so that he can get on with his life.
There is a possible pitfall ahead. You may want to keep in touch with him to keep the flame flickering between you. Don’t give into that, sell yourself short and become less than you are. See that your life isn’t over and believe, no matter how hard it is at first, that there are great things ahead for you. That’s part of what makes them happen, being ready for them to come your way. Blessings, Luise