Question: Dear Luise: I am in a relationship with a man that I truly love. I have never had someone love me as much as he does. Here’s the thing…I say that I love him, but I never show it. I truly feel that I love him, but why am I having such a hard time showing it. He is older than me, but we are both ready for commitment, and ready to settle down. What can I do to show him that I truly do love him? Please help me. Breann
Answer: Dear Breann: The first thing you need to do is talk with your man about this. He loves you and must feel loved in return to want to commit to you. Does he feel that you lack being demonstrative or is that a lack only you see in yourself? If it’s there, is he OK with it?
We can all be critical of ourselves at times, and we all have role models we would like to emulate. Some of us can’t say anything tender and loving but can only show it in our actions. Others can act it out but can’t find the words. A few of us are a nice mix of the two. But we’re all unique. Trying to be different than we are is often a waste of time.
We are all products of our upbringing and environment, as well as having our own natural, personality traits that are part of our character. If you have a problem being demonstrative, you probably learned it at an early age and it is pretty much a part of you by now.
However, if you sincerely want to change, then maybe you can try doing more thoughtful things. It’s always good practice to think of others instead of always focusing on our selves. Do one “sweet thing” a day. He may not notice it but you will probably feel a lot better.
The truth is that the two of you have discovered something wonderful. Why not just bask in the joy of it? You are in agreement about settling down to a life together. That’s pretty, darn special! Blessings, Luise