Question: Dear Luise: My husband has stage 4 lung cancer. We were separated before he fell really ill. At one point the kids thought he was dying for a week. Well the good Lord said that the doctors were wrong and he is still here. I let him know that just because I was by his side the entire time that it was okay he didn’t need to feel obligated to me. He left 4 years ago and me and the kids ended up in a homeless shelter. He still owes the women he left me for a lot of money and so he speaks to her every week out of my presence only on the phone but for me it is too much. I presented him with my frustration and left her a message – he got mad and pushed me in my forehead (normally being silly and love taps) and with the argument and situation at hand I snapped and begin to punch, slap and drag him around the house until I realized what was going on. All of this happened in front of our children 5 and 7. I go through great lengths to not argue or curse around our children because I wasn’t raised in a turbulent household and I want theirs to be peaceful too. My husband left to stay with “friends” for a couple of days to cool off. My fear is that he will not come back and I really want him to. I am sorrowful, sad, guilty, ashamed and depressed over my action and cannot apologize enough. In ten years he has caused great pain and devastation in our lives. I try to forgive but I have never forgotten and with the current situation I feel as though I should be forgiven because I may have left physical bruises but his bruises have been emotional over a ten-year span. I spent our lives together helping him and supporting him and whenever he is angry with me he leaves. This time is “time” is not on our side and I hurt him. How do I fix this? Can it be fixed? I want my family to be okay until God calls him home but I think I’ve committed the ultimate sin. Any constructive comments are welcome. A.
Answer: Dear A.: My guess would be that you have taken on too much and just can’t handle it. I would suggest you find a counselor to give you direction and support ASAP. You need an advocate.
Whatever your husband has done, it doesn’t excuse you. To me, that kind of rage is off the charts. No matter what the circumstances…it’s not acceptable or even explainable. I don’t know about forgivable. That’s totally up to your husband. Blessings, Luise