Question: Dear Luise: I wonder if it’s possible to be in love with who you know a person is going to be? Right now, my boyfriend is just another college student and isn’t that impressive. However, he has the potential to become a very successful man. That’s what draws me to him. Is this enough to build a relationship on? Kierna
Answer: Dear Kierna: I think more woman use that measuring stick than would ever admit it. Years ago, it was the reason a lot of woman went to college…to latch onto a profession man and guarantee the “good life”.
Can you reverse the picture and perhaps see yourself in a different light? Lets say you are going to be coming into a considerable fortune. A fellow student might easily see that as very attractive and fall in love with your future potential. Would you be impressed with a guy who wrote to me asking if that was a good foundation for affection and a relationship?
Falling in love is a very illusive concept and, yes, certain commonalities come into play, like a student nurse falling in love with a medical student. There can be lots of things factored into mutual attraction. However, if your goals are purely monetary, you will probably get what you might expect, which could be very little love in your life.
Some people are so calculating that it rules their hearts. I hope you’re not one of them. I would suggest that you do some serious growing up. Then, when you start to feel an attraction forming, look for qualities like kindness, compassion, honesty and humor. Look for mutual interests, too. How much fun do you have together? Are you intellectually matched? How do you both feel about kids? Projected future income is just one factor. My suggestion would be to keep it one of many. Blessings, Luise