How Should I Approach My Just-found Daughter?

Question: Dear Luise: I have a daughter I’ve never seen in person before. The mother went to another state when she was 9 months pregnant. She recently found out that I’m the biological father and wishes to see me. She wishes for me to come and see her and become part of the family for now I have two Grandsons as well. Travel plans have been made. I leave in 22 days. When I show up at her front door what should I give her, Flowers, a hug for sure. She’s 25, married with 2 handsome boys! Can you give me some sound advice about this first meeting? Thank you, N.

Answer: Dear N.: I would be very careful regarding expectations. Flowers and hugs are probably not indicated. I would suggest a more reserved and even businesslike approach.

It sounds like there may be much unsaid regarding the way the birth of your daughter came about. Her mother’s decision to go it alone set this situation up and now you are being included in a family she has created without you being given a chance to participate. You don’ t know what her husband may think or feel about your sudden appearance, how your child is going to react or even how her two brothers will feel about it.

The information and invitation you have received may be predominately about money. I would have the mother’s documentation rechecked by running my own tests.

Use caution until you have built a firm foundation around your paternity and have a better picture regarding the family dynamics. Blessings, Luise

2 Responses to How Should I Approach My Just-found Daughter?

  1. M. September 29, 2010 at 5:46 am #

    Dear Luise,

    Please Help! my friend John Doe found his son he never met. He need help in writing his son a letter. He ask me to help him what should i say he the letter.The Girl got pregnant 30 years go when he went to the military. lost contact with the child and mom. we need your help. M.

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