Question: Dear Luise: I am no longer a kid, (far, far from it), but I have never grown out of having a quick temper and falling into feeling really fearful at times. I honestly don’t think that the things that throw me are all that serious, after the fact…but that doesn’t help me at the time. I’m not interested in seeing a therapist. I just want to know if you have any practical advice on how live a quieter and more peaceful life. My family and friends are used to me but I don’t think I will ever get used to myself. Thanks, Lou
Answer: Dear Lou: I admire the way you described your issues. No blaming others and no whining. That’ s a very positive approach, in my book
We get the traits you describe from role models and from trying out different behaviors when we are tiny…keeping what feels like survival. Some of it may be genetic…the short-fused, redhead thing. What I hear you saying is that you don’t care how you came by the behaviors you describe, you want a way through or around them.
There many ways to approach it…like conventional medications, homeopathics, and herbs. There are disciplines like qigong, prayer, yoga and meditation, to name a few.
I only have one suggestion, and that involves biofeedback…if you’re interested. You can get a computer game, (that is a great deal more than that), that will teach you a biofeedback process that can help you to develop the skills you currently don’t have.
It’s expensive, but in retrospect I would pay double the price for mine. The name of it is The Journey to Wild Divine. It may not be for you but I believe there is a money-back guarantee that comes with it.
Most of us have learned that fears and violent reactions are best not buried or glossed over. Stuff we try to sweep under the rug can come back to haunt us, and if too serious, can make us sick or even do us in. What is offered in this training program is a technique for stepping back and choosing to mitigate reactions by breath control. (Don’t knock it ’til you try it!) You can learn to bring yourself into a peaceful place if you are agitated and also how to raise your spirits if you are down for the count.
It isn’t easily learned, at least not by this old dog who is, admittedly, very resistant to new tricks. However, it is possible to learn it and later rely on it…if…you are determined enough. (There’s usually and “if”, isn’t there?) You sound like you may be. I honestly think anger and anxiety can be managed by nothing more than using these new and extremely simple, (not easy), skills. Blessings, Luise