Affair With Married Minister

Question: Dear Luise: I have been involved with a married minister for over a year. We have shared a lot of things, we talk 4 or 5 days out of a week. We live in different places so we see each other other when we can. He has been busted several times about me and now his wife is threatening him if he contacts me. I was his first affair and we both have admitted how we feel about one another. K.

Answer: Dear K.: It would seem to me that being an ordained minister would be a very tough calling. They usually aren’t given the latitude by society that the rest of us are. They have to be an example, without exception, and practice what they preach…or be disgraced and face ruin.

His feelings for you may be authentic and so my yours for him. However, it had to take some real lack of integrity on both of your parts to let anything even get started, much less keep it going for over a year. What do you see ahead except heartbreak for all concerned including his wife and children? Why did you write to me? The cat is out of the bag and there’s no undoing it, now. Blessings to all of you…I find it terribly sad, Luise

3 Responses to Affair With Married Minister

  1. N. October 28, 2013 at 7:47 am #

    Louise:

    I appreciate so much your wisdom.e

    In regards to affairs; in my profession, we refer to them as the “self sabatauge syndrome. That is, when a person has much to lose, such as a minister, politician, etc., has an affair it is sure to be the ruin of an aspect of that individual’s life should it be discovered. The sad thing is, these people subconsciously set themselves up to found out but for their low self esteem (i.e. they don’t believe they deserve the greatness that they see has been bestowed them). Dearest K. the thrill of attempting the feat is what makes the affair a heightened experience. It isn’t the affair at all, and that is why, when the affair is discovered it no longer holds the appeal for the fallen powerful partner, and it ends abruptly. It is the other person (i.e. you, K) who is in the affair, with an emotional investment, that is adrift thereafter, as the prestigious one returns home to reconstruct life and invariably, unless therapy is entered into, the whole cycle is repeated anew with a new affair cohort. K. you need to learn why it is you are attracted to unavailable men. Could it be you don’t think you deserve a loving relationship of your own? N.

  2. L. October 29, 2013 at 7:00 pm #

    I’m a wife of a pastor, we having a special calling from God, I would be afraid to be in your shoes , as you are standing in the way of Gods plan! Be sure your sins will find you out and it will come back on you both ten fold! It’s just a matter of time! L.

  3. KASweeney November 8, 2013 at 1:49 pm #

    Wow, I came across this while searching for vintage RV advice. I am floored by this woman’s attitude. She doesn’t appear to think she is doing anything wrong. I would bet this mans “feelings” for her would vanish if he were outed. His wife must be a very understanding woman with a lot of faith. She should respect his position, wife and children. She should be ashamed if herself and should run… not walk away from this situation. It seldom turns out well for “women” like this. I am sorry to say it, but she deserves what she gets from this… but his family does not. She is scrounging for scraps from another woman’s table… which is wrong to do to ANYONE, much less a minster’s wife. I am sure hell is saving a spot for this one! K.

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