Question: Dear Luise: I started a new relationship with a man who loves me as well as my 3 children, the 19 year old one lives with his father, the other16 and soon to be 18 live with me. things appeared ok but for the kids moved too fast, him being at our house too often for example. they complained to the 19 year old that they found him creepy, which being the first man brought into their lives seems understandable considering he is opposite in some ways to their father. he treats me well and them also, does not try to “buy” them but is sincere in his gestures. he is a widower so his approach is different than that of divorced guys i have dated, and thats a good thing. now the dilemma is my 19 year old wants me to choose between him(son) and a man i find compatible for me, stating to see him i have to “get rid of this guy”, his words. i just cry and become so emotional that i cannot even make a sentence. of course I love my son and would do anything for him. how do i handle this? the father of my children has many times told me this is all ramification of my actions to separate and divorce will make it worse. i have always told my kids the reaction to the situation is more important than the situation now i dont know what to do. G.
Answer: Dear G.: This isn’t about your new and very supportive relationship, even though it looks like it is. It’s about your 19 year-old son thinking he can blackmail you into being how he wants you to be and thinking that threatening you will resolve the issue.
The issue, which is his, not yours, can’t be resolved that way, and if you buy into it, you will interfere with your son’s need to grow up and become responsible for his own happiness…while you get on with yours. Set boundaries, take a strong stand and if you need to see a counselor to get through it, then so be it. Also, come over to www.WiseWomenUnite.com, my Web-forum, if you would like support and understanding. Many others have been there and done that. Blessings, Luise