Question: Dear Luise: I am currently overweight. I know that. But I am extremely happy in every other area of my life; I have good friends, a boyfriend, and am likely to attend the school of my dreams. But my mother is always making comments about my weight. While it is never totally direct she makes me very upset. She is of course petite and loves running. I know that she might be just trying to help me, blah blah she loves me. But the way she does it, like asking if I should even bother going to prom because dresses “may not fit my shoulders” which by the way they have and will. She has never made an attempt to help my nutrition or exercise level. I don’t know how to handle these put-owns anymore…they really hurt. T.
Answer: Dear T.: I know the feeling. Well. All I know to do about it is three things. The first is that no one can “make you upset.” That is something you choose. I know it doesn’t feel like that, but another person might let your mother’s remarks roll off her back and someone else might think they were funny, etc. You are totally in charge of how you choose to let them affect you. (That’s actually good news.)
The second thing is your mother is how she is and you aren’t going to alter that. Not liking her attitude and remarks is pretty healthy but not her having your mother be how she is…is a waste of energy.
Thirdly, you are old enough to research nutrition and exercise and take it from there. She has definitely let you down in that department but don’t let it be an excuse. Blessings, Luise