Question: Dear Luise: My husband gets attention when we go out… no big deal. So do I. The problem is…women throw themselves at him while I’m with him! While men are more respectful and don’t approach me once they see that I’m taken. These women have made suggestive comments or flaunt themselves for him and I’m right there! This has happened A LOT. What’s really going on? I ask because no one else I know has a CONSTANT problem with this. Is he giving off some signals that I’m not catching? Or are they just challenging to see if they can pull him from me? It makes me so mad because we are trying to restore our marriage and family and this kind of stuff ruins the mood and causes fights! He tells them he’s married but he’s too nice and friendly about it. It pisses me off! Please help! F.
Answer: Dear F.: You don’t deserve what you are getting and I think you have every right to be upset.
This is just a guess but I wonder if, on some level, your husband likes the attention because he wants you to see how attractive he is to others. (I’m giving him the benefit of the doubt, here.)
I know this sounds extreme, but I would stop socializing in the way you are now doing it. If it involves drinking and/or dancing that could complicate your efforts to create stability in you relationship because too many other factors enter into the equation. You may be going to places that invite unwelcome behavior.
That said, when the men see that you are with someone, most of them probably don’t want to irritate your husband and perhaps bring about a confrontation. But, when women pick up on whatever he is communicating (and it may not be the fact that “he’s too nice and friendly,”) they don’t fear that you will take them out into the alley and beat the heck out of them.
Would you be willing to you modify your activities by going out to dinner and just relating to each other? There’s no need to get involved with the people at the tables around you and seldom does a waitress throw herself at a man having a meal with his wife. How about a movie, concert or play? Sound dull? Why would sharing and caring sound dull? It’s probably time to get your priorities straight. Blessings, Luise