Question: Dear Luise: My question is I have 6 children. 4 are fine. My two daughters are 30 and 36. They are the only ones who blame me for their lives. The girls say that I was a bad mom. And that is not true. I gave these kids everything they needed. Kids in the neighborhood were jealous because even they were poor, I would take them kids with us. I never did drugs or abused alcohol. These kids were so spoiled. They never wanted for anything. Now the two daughters haven’t been doing well. They do not have jobs nor do they pay bills. They live in my home rent and bills free. Sleep all day and run the streets at night. I am so very stressed out. They keep saying that it’s my fault that their life is messed up. C.
Answer: Dear C.: Spoiled kids often grow up to become spoiled adults. Not always but when they get a sense of entitlement, it can sometimes be permanent.
You are handy to blame and it seems to be working. They’re getting a free ride. 30 and 36 and useless is a pretty sad situation. I think you should tell them that since they dislike you so much, they can move on to something they like better. I would probably give them a date to be out, and then, if they didn’t honor that, remove their belongings from the house, change the locks and wish them well. Also, if they give you further trouble, seek a restraining order. It’s time. You aren’t doing them any favors by putting up with them. It’s just further undermining their self-respect.
You also might benefit from coming over to my Web-forum that was designed to address problems with adult children: www.WiseWomenUnite.com Blessings, Luise