Question: Dear Luise: I have been looking for answers to my 18 soon to be 19 year old son. The problem is my family had moved to florida cause of my husbands job. he started the local community college soon after we moved here and started to get into the drugs and gang wars down here…then he found this girl and she hates me. she is now pregnant and has made my son not talk to me or see me…we use to sneak around so we could see each other, until we got caught. that nite she made him call me and say “Mom i’m sorry but you will never speak or see me again”..he didnt hang up the phone right away and i heard him say..why are you making me do this to my mom…that is when the phone went dead and i havent heard or seen from him.. i dont know what to do..i have called the police but since he is 18 i cat do much that way..i know they (her and her mother) are holding something over his head..I’m dying inside..they blame me for everything…and all i ever do is try to help…i dont know which way to turn anymore…if you have any advice i would greatly appreciate it…thanks, J.
Answer: Dear J.: This horrible situation is the one most commonly submitted to this Website. Poor choices are made by our kids who have become young adults and still have a lot to learn. There is nothing we can do about it. They have to eventually relate cause and effect. Their misery is based on something they did that doesn’t work. We are handy, so usually we are blamed.
In the meantime our job is the almost impossible task of letting go and watching them fall. We have to take care of ourselves and get on with our own life…when they once were our life…(and it still feels like they are.)
Please come over to the Web-forum I have created for discussing and getting though this: www.WiseWomenUnite.com . You can vent there and learn there and with the rest of us, find a way to heal and move on there. Blessings, Luise