Question: My son is 3 years old. His father is now married and for some reason has not introduced our son to his wife. He continues to say that he needs time. Needs time for what? He has another son who he says he has over quite a bit. In addition, his wife has a child that lives with them from a previous marriage. Living and raising a child that is not his and has one of his own children over but not mine? I don’t understand. He says that he has told his wife about our child. The marriage happened sometime afterward. When I did keep in contact, he would come over and touch me like a married man shouldn’t. He keeps saying every time” I’m trying to stop “. I’m confused. I have since moved and he doesn’t know where I am or my number to contact me. What is his real problem. While in prison he called and wrote a letter. I must say that I still have feelings for him. We met in 1996. He somewhat asked me to marry him before he disappeared and met his wife. He asked” Do you want me to marry you” I said no, not because I didn’t want to – it was just shocking and plus it was the way he asked. It was almost as if he would do it if that’s what I wanted. HE SHOULD ASK IN A WAY THAT EXPRESSES HE WANTS TO WHETHER I WANT TO OR NOT!!! I’m confused. When we did talk, I confronted him with this and he said he didn’t remember saying that to me!!! What is this man’s problem. S.
Answer: Dear S.: I have found it impossible to get into the thinking and behavior of another person to figure out where they are coming from. We can put a lot of time and effort into that and get nowhere. To tell you the truth, sometimes my own thinking and behavior are hard for me to explain in retrospect.
The father of your child has something going on, that’s for sure…but I see no way to change that. If he is going to play favorites and refuse to work it out with you then that’s probably the way it is.
The man is married. What he once said to you no longer is of any consequence. If it didn’t make sense then, it’s probably never going to.
Do what you can to improve your own life and the life of you child. That’s where you have the most influence. Blessings, Luise