Question: Dear Luise: My guy-friend just got out of a relationship that he had been trying to get out of for a long time. While he was still in that relationship he flirted with me. We’re close friends so I’m actually not that sure as to whether he was flirting or just being very, very nice. He did things like put his arm around me when I felt scared, help carry my belongings, he held my hand while helping me out on a jetti and when I talked about other guys he’d get protective and tell me not to go for them. After his breakup he showed some interest in me and was curious as to who I was interested in. I’m getting mixed signals from him and don’t know what to do or how to feel. He moved me down one spot on his friends list on myspace. Is he trying to say something? Am I a bad friend? Sincerely, D.
Answer: Dear D.: I’m not sure any of us needs to know every time we go up a notch or down a notch with our friends. Attitudes come and go on a daily, if not hourly, basis.
Mixed signals come and go as well, for that very reason. You are sending them yourself. You are a friend who wants to be more. We enjoy friendships with people of the same sex and then try to do it with the opposite sex and find it more difficult. Sometimes we succeed and sometimes we can’t pull it off.
This is a difficult thing to deal with because many friendships do evolve into relationships. It’s a great foundation to build one on…if you are on the same page. Flirting may make you think you are but you’re still only guessing.
No, you aren’t a bad friend. You are you…and that’s magical. Whether he sees you in that light or not is about him, not you. If you start out trying to figure out what is going on with another person, you have taken on a life-time jigsaw puzzle that you will never solve because too many pieces are missing. When you want to know what’s up, ask. Doing that is simple but not always easy. Believe it or not, others sometimes don’t know how they feel or what they want, themselves, so how are you supposed to be able to figure it out?
I think I would widen my experience if I were you, and focus elsewhere. Meet more people when the opportunity presents itself and explore more possibilities. If this guy doesn’t want to be left behind…he’ll come forward. Blessings, Luise