Question: Dear Luise: At Christmas my boyfriend gave me a Christmas card that said “I love you, always” but he also gave one of his ex-girlfriends one where he wrote “Love and kisses” and he also drew hearts on it. I’m not sure if he still has feelings for her or not but it’s been nearly 3 months for us. I’m not sure what’s happening. I’ve been doubting him since then. What shall I do? Shall I stay with him? Also, since we’ve been going out he always asks me to kiss him to start things and I find that weird. If I don’t do as he asks, he says to just forget it. T.
Answer: Dear T.: Even though it’s only been three months, that card from your boyfriend to his ex-girlfriend was pretty inappropriate. On top of everything else, it was insensitive to you, which is a red flag. How did you find out about it? Did he show it to you or did she? Or worse yet, did you look at his cards without his permission? If so, you are off base as well.
There are guys that do not, or cannot, initiate intimacy. I don’t know why. Maybe because they are afraid of being rejected. Some gals are OK with that kind of thing but it doesn’t sound like you are one of them. That’s another red flag.
My guess is that he is pretty immature. That often precludes serious and successful communication, but you can try. Let him know that your staying with him any longer depends on whether he is willing listen to how you feel or not. Is he up for resolving these issues? It’s possible, sometimes, for a couple to brainstorm on what will work better for both of them in the future and then commit to making changes.
At present you are unhappy, insecure and unfulfilled. What’s the point of continuing unless positive changes take place? There are guys out there that are thoughtful, loyal and able to take responsibility for their feelings. Don’t settle for less. Blessings, Luise