What’s Going On Here

Question: Dear Luise: I recently saw 40 texts between my wife and daughters boyfriend in one night from 11-12:30 in the am.  this is why i question this…..my wife has said she hates him and wishes our daughter would leave him, though they have a 7 month old baby together.  In july of this year this same boyfriend sent very explicit text to my wife in the middle of the night, and claimed the next day that someone at his house must have sent those, any one of 10 friends.  When i asked my wife about the 40 text messages she said he was asking her for a phone number and apologizing for what had  happened…..not satisfied that that took 40 text she later (10 days) said that he had sent more inappropriate text, and she ended the conversation with him.   Only after i discovered this (6 days after the text) did she send a text to her daughter saying that her boyfriend creeped her out n shouldnt come back to our house….she then tells our daughters not to tell me anything about the text she would tell me about the inappropriate text later…..which took 2 weeks….what do i do?  why would a young man text apologizing and then turn around and do the same thing again….they erased all of the texts of  course, M.

Answer: Dear M.: My guess is that there is something going on between your wife and your daughter’s boyfriend. My guess is that it’s your guess, as well.  Beyond that I can’t venture even a guess as to where your daughter fits into the picture, if at all.

Most of us sleep at night and very few of us write 40 texts if we happen to be up. I would suggest that you tell your wife that she needs to turn in her cell (to you) when the sun goes down. It’s what you would tell an acting-out teenager…because that’s about the level at which she is operating…if we are right about this. And honestly, what else could it be?

This will not prevent daytime texts of unknown quantity and quality. You may eventually have to decide how big a fool you are going to let them make of you, and when you have had enough, move on. It’s insulting and demeaning and no healthy relationship would contain such childish (but not innocent) behavior. You deserve so much better. Blessings, Luise

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