Question: Dear Luise: Well, I have been in a relationship for four months now. We have reached a obstacle in our relationship that is causing a lot of friction. I work and he works and goes to school but we hardly get to see each other. We argue constantly because we don’t see each other as much because he works every other weekend. The problem is he thinks that when he is at work I am out there cheating on him. That is not the case and I don’t know how to prove or show him I am not. I don’t have a problem with the working and going to school because in the beginning I knew this would burst into arguing and probably accusation of cheating. So, we break up and then make up constantly. What should I do? I love this guy and I want to spend the rest of my life with him and I continue to tell him this. How can I understand him better and show him I am not going anywhere? We live in the same town but he works at night and I work in the mornings so our schedules don’t work the way we want them to. Another problem he is off work this weekend but I am going out of town to a family reunion. He says he wants me to go but I know he really doesn’t want me to go. He says we haven’t spent time together in a while and I don’t know what to do. Can working a lot ruin a relationship? R
Answer: Dear R: Four months of the kind of zoo you two live in doesn’t sound much like a relationship to me. It sounds like lots of work, very little play and no time left to develop a relationship at all. Honestly, I wouldn’t even try. Others may think you will make it but I think it looks like a stacked deck.
I would suggest you sort out your priorities. It sounds like working and school are number one and two and are eating up most of your energy and time. Why take what’s left and use it arguing, accusing and blaming when you’re too tired to think? What’s the point? You are being called a liar…do you want that for the rest of your life? There’s nothing you can do to change that…it’s about him not you.
If you seriously care about each other, why not quit while you’re winning? Why not see each other when it works out and focus elsewhere the rest of the time. This pattern won’t last forever. It has a purpose and it has a shelf life. See what’s left when you get there. You might be pleasantly surprised. The way you’re going and the way it’s affecting both of you is slow-death to love.
All of my doom and gloom doesn’t mean some couples can’t do it and handle the fall-out but that’s not what’s going on with you. It’s just too much for you. Shake hands, wish each other well and get together when and if you can and want to, no stings attached. If it’s true love, it won’t go away. Blessings, Luise