We Should Be Past This Crap

Question: Luise, the world needs more people like you.  More people with your wisdom.  It seems like common sense so many times but we somehow manage to block that out.  I’m having marital issues with my wife.  She is 14 years younger than I am.  I noticed that you are 16(?) years younger than your husband.  We have two children ages 4 and 5.  We just can’t seem to hardly agree on anything.  I’m 47, she’s 33.  I’m not “old fashioned” and she is not new-age or anything like that but we just can’t seem to get BACK on the same wavelength like we used to.  We have been married for 5 years.    Everything seems to have to be an argument!  I feel like we are old enough to be past all of this crap!  What the heck is going on?  ANY advice would be appreciated.  Thank you. S.

Answer: Dear S.: I think it’s probably marriage counselor time. Your arguments are probably not “it” but rather the arena where the friction, tension, fatigue, frustration, dissatisfaction (or none of the above) shows up. Young kids can wear on you. If your wife works and they are in day-care there can be a lot of pressure and she may be worn out and not even know it. I’d start sorting it out with a third-party professional.

The age thing may be in the way a bit if you are more mature. I was 62 and Val was 78 when we married in 1989 and we were both pretty solid by then. Also our kids were gone and we were retired…lots of plusses. You are probably near the peak of your career and she may be on overwhelm. Just guessing. Whatever it is, the price is too high and you need to address it and if possible, resolve it. I agree. Blessings, Luise

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