Question: Dear Luise: ok im in need of serious advice recently my fiance who is 18 and lives at home and attends high school as a senior. we were recently on vacation at the beach with her family and when we were down there we were unfortunatly walked in on during sexual acts by her aut her aunt agreed not to say anything but insted talked to a close friend about it and the friends 23 year old daughter over heard and in return told my fiance’s Grandmother her grand mother then made me leave the nxt day and them told my fiance’s father. now he has told her she cannot see me anymore told her to return the stuff i gave her and forbid me from going to her prom and also wants to move her basic training for the nave up from oct 9 to as soon as she graduates in june i love this girl deeply with all my heart and will do what ever it takes to keep her she wants to give it another try but says i need to git her dad to agree help me im desperate ill do anything help plz . im age 21. oh her dad just found out we are engaged. sincerely brent
Answer: Dear Brent: Too much has been going on that was not brought out into the open and shared with her family. Then, on one trip to the beach, it all came tumbling down because both of you used extremely poor judgment.
There are a lot of hurdles ahead…her graduation, her enlistment in the Navy and her totally messed up relationship with her family. In all of that, you have been cast as the bad guy.
I think your wisest move is to honor her father and back off. An engagement is usually a formal thing complete with an engagement ring and an announcement. Long, long ago…the bride-to-be’s father was asked for permission. Not a bad plan, when you look at getting off on the right foot.
What had you planned to do when she left for the Navy? How had you decided to bridge the time and distance her enlistment would require? Part of backing off is letting go…for the time being. I don’t mean breaking up…I mean allowing some room for the family to get past what they had thrown in their faces at the beach.
One fact has been proven true down through the ages…a couple that wants to be together, can usually find a way to do that. It may not involve your being able to attend her prom and it may not be in the near future, but true love usually wins out.
First, however, you have to win over her father and the rest of her clan. To do that, you’re going to have to create them seeing you as a man with some dignity and ethics. You really blew that one. Your reputation isn’t non-repairable but right now you stand pretty low on the totem pole with them as a candidate for this girl’s hand.
Hang in there and wait. Behave yourself and wait. Grow up and wait. Blessings, Luise